


Closer than Blood

by ashamtly



Category: Shadowhunters (TV)
Genre: #SaveShadowhunters, Angst, Gen, Insecure Alec Lightwood, Parabatai Feels, Post-Episode: s03e10 Erchomai
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-07-05
Updated: 2018-07-05
Packaged: 2019-06-05 19:45:21
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings, Major Character Death
Chapters: 1
Words: 653
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/15177992
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/ashamtly/pseuds/ashamtly
Summary: "He's closer than blood, he's my parabatai!"So, here you are, alone in the dark, facing the cold, wondering... wondering if those words are still true, 'cause in the end...#SaveShadowhunters





	Closer than Blood

**Author's Note:**

> So, I wanted to join the #SaveShadowhunters fanart, fanfic, stuff; so here are my two cents.  
> I know I'm a little late (a lot) but lately I haven't had the time to do the things I love.  
> Anyhow, this is kind of depressing 'cause... I guess that was the mood I was on when the idea came to me? And I decided against putting a Malec or M/M tag 'cause there's none of that in this one, but let me know if that's incorrect.  
> As for the major character death tag, well... if you saw the 3A season final, you know why it's there.
> 
> Anyway, back to the story I don't own Shadowhunters, English is not my native language, and I have no beta whatsoever, so... sorry in advance.

**You know** it's not the time, and you feel terrible for even thinking it, but...

 

_"He's closer than blood, he's my parabatai!"_

 

  
There's a part of you, that can't help but blame her, to put it all on her; can't help but point out that you wouldn't be here if it wasn't for her.

 

  
_"You've had it out for Clary from the start!"_

 

  
And you feel terrible 'cause in the end, no matter what anyone thinks, you did like her! But, at the same time...

 

 

_"Then maybe your mother was right, and your best is just isn't good enough"_

 

 

You had never fought with Jace as much as you have in the last few months, not even when you first met him and started to work with the boy that desperately wanted to have some bonds, while fiercely trying to push everyone away.

 

 

_"I'm begging you, my parabatai... my brother. Please, Alec, come with me."_

 

 

And now, that boy, your parabatai, your brother is down there in his room, suffering for her, while you... while you are up here, once again at the top of the Institute, YOUR institute; shooting arrows at targets only you can see; feeling sorry for yourself, 'cause for the first time in your life, your prabatai is hurting, and... there's nothing you can do.

 

 

_"He's closer than blood, he's my parabatai!"_

 

 

So, here you are, alone in the dark, facing the cold, wondering... wondering if those words are still true, 'cause in the end...

 

-He didn't tell you about dying- you murmur to yourself, tensing the bow on your hands and letting an arrow go with probably more strength than necessary.

\- He deliberately asked her to lie to my face- you let another arrow go just as, if not quicker than the last one; not even flinching at the pain this causes in your hands.

 

 

_"He's closer than blood, he's my parabatai!"_

 

 

But the worst of it, the very, very worst is that...

 

-I couldn't save him- lastly, you voiced out aloud, finally letting the bow fall form your torn hands.

 

You couldn't save Jace, your partner, your best friend, your brother, the other part of your soul, your parabatai.

 

 

_"... we have to get through him using the strongest connection possible"_

_"which is me"_

 

 

Except, it isn't, is it?

It probably hasn't been for a long time now, but... you hadn't wanted to believe it; had wanted to keep thinking that you were still as close as ever, as bonded as you had been for all those years, as...

 

A sudden lightning strokes the once cloudless sky, making rainfall; icy rain that completely soaks your clothes, but does nothing to prop you to go back inside looking for shelter.

 

 

_"He's closer than blood, he's my parabatai!"_

 

 

Looking up at the sky, letting the rain wash away any trace of hurt from your face, and blood from your hands; you have to admit that... you had been expecting it, in fact, you had thought you were ready for it.

 

Fighting your parabatai, but...

 

 

 _"They say the worst pain a_ shadowhunter _can feel is the loss of his parabatai..."_

 

 

-It hurt- you admit to yourself in a small whispered, carried away by the wind, the thunder and the rain; as if scared that even with all that ruckus, someone would hear you.

-It had hurt- you repeat once again this time letting your head fall, making your bangs cover your eyes while clenching your hands in fists.

 

It had hurt, it had hurt like hell, more than the broken wrist, more than the arrow to the chest; 'cause even if it was dumb, even if it was silly, a part of you had wanted to believe that...

 

 

_"He's closer than blood, he's my parabatai!"_

 

 

That it was still true.

So, here you are, once again, alone in the dark, facing the cold, wondering... wondering if those words are still true...


End file.
